Cooking Time

=Gourmet Noodles For Beginners=

SO in my pursuit of musical glory through not having a proper job (and it’s working – voted 5th best original indie band from Hampshire by readers of the Basingstoke Post 2 years running) I’ve been steadily refining my ‘living on ten quid a gig’ technique and a big part of this is budget food; as your mum probably told you when you went off to college ‘invest in yourself and buy good fresh food, not cheap shit’.

Bollocks to that though, you’re brassic and you need last night’s gas money to buy some bogroll to deal with this morning’s kebab detritus. You need to economise, badly. So here I proudly present my ultimate noodles recipe. This is seriously next-level shit, Blumenthal WISHES he had my other recipes…

NOODLES A LA LONELY JOE PARKER:

Preparation time: 7 minutes
Serves: 4

Ingredients:
*4 Packs value noodles – the 9p jobs
*1 Pack of value veg cup-a-soup (4 sachets – the 17p jobs)
*Water
*A kettle
*4 Mugs
*Pepper / salt / tombasco / soy sauce / brown sauce / mustard / adrenachrome / other seasoning / blah

Cooking instructions:

1. Put water in the kettle and boil it.*

2. Put one pack of noodles in each mug. Don’t put the little flavour sachet in yet – and if you’re really skilled/pedantic you should be able to split the packs of noodles lengthways so that they stand up in the cup. This way they cook quicker, flavour more evenly and the noodles are nice and long and stringy when done.
If you can’t be arsed with that just mash them in there.

3. Completely fill the mugs to the top with water. There’s gonna be some air in there too so swill it around gently with a fork to get rid of that shit.

4. Do something else with your life for 5 minutes. Like, write ‘Spanish Girls’ or ‘Love Jugs’…

5. The noodles should be bigger and softer now. Pour away about a centimetre of water from each mug, or a bit more or less if that’s what you like.

6. Add the sachet of powder that came with the noodles, and also a sachet of cup-a-soup. This is the clever bit because the soup makes it thicker and also adds things like peas and chunks of carrot that make it a) look a bit more like a proper Pot Noodle, and b) decorates your puke nicely. Stir well.

7. Add condiments (or sauces as we used to call them back in the Thatcher years) to taste. Leave for a minute or so and maybe blat it in the microwave if you really want to.

8. Sit back and enjoy! You now have the makings of your very own noodle dinner party (that’s right, you do live in a squat, but face it, you’re as middle-class as a Plane Stupid demo) – why not have a competition to see who can make the best one?

!!CAUTION!!
Eating this crap for seven goddamn years will definitely turn your body into a sexy tower of muscle and sinew. Nah, really you’ll look like a big soft noodle yourself. But have more money to spend on white cider – yay.

*You can do this with a metal kettle on a van engine. But be ready for the diesel-y goodness.

What I did next

Hi peoples.

I’m writing this with my battered laptop on my lap (and the ever present cup of strong, shitty, HOT instant coffee) in yet another front room belonging to someone else.

I sat down the other day while I waited in the drizzle for the train from somewhere weird in Sussex to London, and started to work out how many trains/busses/cycle rides I’ve taken in the last year since I set out busking up the East Coast in the states…

It turned out to be a bit to hard to remember. Looking back my memory is kind of a bit too fucked, but my diary and the persistent ache in my back and patches on my gig bag tell me that the longest I’ve spent in one place since this time last year is a whopping 7 nights . . and that was technically while on holiday, helping out a friend at a studio in Bulgaria (Furnace – will be recording there soon – check it).

But I’m not complaining. Couldn’t. I fucking love this! Megabus stubs and empty bottles; scribbled set-lists; snatches of new songs on answerphones and coffee, coffee, coffee. Would be nice to get a week or two to sit around and relax, maybe write some of this up, though. For instance…

It’s been a hectic ole year. From busking on the L train in NYC to recording the Oxfam 12″ in London, Bike Touring across the UK to hitching a ride in Georgia – and some wonderful amazing shows and audiences! Big thanks to everyone at Sotones, Hamptons / Long Live Rock & Roll, Ejector Seat, Believe Digital, CSV and Oxfam for all their help..

Also, really special buttlicky love to everyone who helped out or promoted us on the Bike Tour. You were all amazing and couldn’t have done it. Especially the BBC and Campaign Against Arms Trade – we were meant to be helping them, but they were so organised it was a massive kick up the arse for us!

~~~

Oxfam 12″ – ‘What’s Wrong With Broken Glass’


Oh yeah – about the Oxfam EP. Thanks again to everyone who helped. Got some great reviews, have been selling well and generally ace. Please have a listen and buy it if you like – it all supports Oxfam and god knows however hard the credit crunch is stiffing us in the UK, the rest of the world is even more shafted.

You can buy MP3s online here, or get the 12″ vinyl! We’ll send you MP3s if you want those too with every vinyl purchase, just ask. The vinyl looks and sounds fucking lush (they’re individually numbered, you know), and you can get it in southampton and reading Oxfam Music stores, or from Rough Trade East (they’ve nearly sold out though). You can also mail-order through Rough Trade.

~ ~ ~

Musical stirrings

So what next? most of the 100+ performances this year have been me, solo, with my smashed acoustic. It’s been nice doing things that way – you get a lot more freedom when you’ve only got yourself to rely on – but it definitely limits what you can do and where you can play. It does. And the lows are as dark as the highs are bright.

Over the summer we experimented with some full-band arrangements; a whole range of sounds, some folky, some electronic, some Feist-y, some straight-up rock stuff. What I found was that I like them all, and that there’s plenty of room in the songs I’m writing at the moment for all of this stuff.

So I think we’ll probably just keep doing that for a bit. Maybe a single or two early next year, see how we go? You never can tell. I’ve been listening to a lot of Feist, St. Vincent, PJH and Cat Power (all girls strangely; I think they make much smarter music) this year. It would be nice to weave some of their, like, eclecticism and subtlety into stuff I’ve listened to for ages like YYY, Tom Waits, At The Drive In, Pavement and of course THE CLASH who will never ever stop being my favourite band ever.

Live shows for the next few months are gonna be a bit of a pick and mix then, as I’ll be trying out a few different arrangements of stuff and try and blag various people into playing with me.

I like the idea of having a power trio at the centre (which tonight means Jimmy Shivers, me and Dave Wade-Brown) with maybe a couple of multi-instrumentalist types most of the time, and pulling in friends like The Moulettes, Pete Lyons or Moneytree for big gigs and special stuff. Stay tuned, we’ll see…

All the best, thank-you so very very much for all your kind support (& keep teling your friends!). Hope to see you at a show sometime and crash on your floor,

Joe x x

ps: thanks again to the East Street Band, at various times:

Jimi Ray
Campbell Austin
Ben Stoop
Peter Lyons
David Miatt
Jimmy Shivers
Dave Wade-Brown
Barny Lanman
Ollie Austin
Hannah Miller
Ruth Skipper
Tom Cummings
Rysia Burmicz

.. and admin/press/artwork stuff from:

Storm Poorun
Sally Campbell (CAAT)
Rob Milner (Oxfam)
Billy Mather
Caity
Liz Moores
Jimmy Hatherley.

Jim, you get two credits, see? Happy?! x